7 Ways To Deal With Unrequited Love
Hi my dear readers! I hope you are doing well! I am very excited about my long time off. I will return to work only on December 1st, yay!
I will focus on decluttering during my time off. But I also started to work on a very cute photo-project. I will share it in December or January, so stay tuned ;-)
Today I want to share with you 7 tips on how to deal with unreciprocated love. I experienced it so many times in my life that I became an expert. I actually never had normal relationships. I always liked men who didn't really want to be with me. Right now I cannot explain why was I wasting my time with them. Whatever happened in the past I cannot change. But I learned my lessons and I want to share some of my thoughts with a hope, that my ideas will help someone.
Here is the link to the video for today's post: 7 ways to deal with unrequited love.
And here are my tips.
Don't try to understand why someone didn't like you and don't ask for a closure. I think that when we think too much on why another person rejected our love, we just waste our time. People are so different. Someone loves goat cheese, someone cannot even stand a smell of it. Taste is actually partly dictated by our genes. So if our genes decide for us what do we like to eat, can you image how weird could be the reason why we like one person and dislike another? The fact that one man didn't like the fact that I was Russian, doesn't mean that all men in U.S. will reject me for the same reason, so why would I waste my time on thinking about it? I also didn't ask for a closure from the man who left me. I just emailed him with understanding that I will never hear back from him, I didn't expect anything. And even thou he never replied, I wasn't upset, because I created my own closer, I didn't need him to make my decision and it helped me to move on.
Don't try to be too convenient. If you don't like something - speak up. Of course it doesn't mean that you shouldn't be nice or that you should always complain about everything. But if you feel like your values get violated, you should share your concerns with the person you like. I was so afraid of losing the man that I liked, that I never shared my feelings with him. I just was doing what he asked me to do. And it didn't make me happy and didn't really make him happy either. So now I decided for myself, that I need to act in line with my values, and if a man doesn't like it, it means that we shouldn't be together.
Don't be delusional. I ignored a lot of red flags when I was seeing the man that I liked. He lied to me so many times. But I always was able to find some excuses. Again, right now I cannot explain my own behavior. But few years ago, I could believe any lie and still be in the environment of complete illusion. And I have been hurt so bad because of that. Please don't be like me, try to be realistic and make the right conclusions. I decided for myself, that if a man doesn't want to spend a quality time with me, if he doesn't want to commit almost right away, if he doesn't want to be excusive, it means that he is not really into me and he is still looking for a better option. And God knows I don't need this type of man and I am not going to waste my time on him. I am very strict with this rule and not going to break it. Never!
Use your pain. I created my blog and my YouTube channel because I suffered. My one-sided love caused my tremendous amount of emotional pain. But I used it to improve my life. I used it to work on my self-development. In order to reduce my pain I learned how to be more disciplined, I was taking different classes, I read a lot of books. Love is beautiful, even if it is unreciprocated, because one way or another, it gives us energy. I think that I was able to find a new job because I spend a lot of time on learning new things. So I can say that I used my unrequited love for good! This summer I have been rejected by one guy again. I haven't liked anyone for a while and when I finally liked some, I got rejected again. I still get upset because of this sometimes. But I started to work on my new creative project and feel better. You can do it too! There are so many things we can create, find yours!
The grass is always greener. I can't tell yo how many times I had a thought that if only I could be with the man that I like, I would be so much happier. And I always think of him as of someone who is absolutely perfect, and I picture our life together as flowless. But in reality no one is perfect. And maybe the fact that he didn't value me means that he is not very smart? Ha-ha! I am joking of course. But you know what I mean. Maybe right now my life is much better because I am single and I don't have too much worries. I don't have a fear of losing someone. And it feels pretty good!
Trust. I don't know what will be tomorrow. But brain has a habit of projecting future all the time. And I will share with you two scenarios that I can have. One is very sad. Sometimes I have thoughts that I will never be loved, that I am not good enough. I think that I am not a girlfriend material. I can think that I always like men who are way out of my league. I mean I always was rejected, so no wonder I have these mean ideas in my head. And these thoughts are very painful. But on other hand, sometimes I think that maybe God just protected me from wrong men? Maybe he prepared someone better for me. And He decided that men that I met before were not good for me? And maybe one day I will meet someone really special who will show me what true love means? Maybe... I don't know... But if I don't know, why would I think negatively, if there are chances that I can really meet someone amazing, who will love me back? So I choose trust and I believe that everything happens for a reason and that I still can find my love!
Self-Love. My unrequited love helped me to find love within me, it made me stronger. I remember how horrible I felt when I couldn't be with the man that I liked. I was in the darkness of my bedroom by myself, crying and thinking about killing myself. I didn't want to live. And even thou I know that I am not the type of person who would ever commit suicide, I did ask God to take me to heaven so I wouldn't suffer anymore. And in these moment of pain my self-love was born. These suffering created a huge desire within me to take care of myself. And it changed me. It made me a better version of myself, and it helped me to believe in myself and have less fears. Of course I have my moments of weakness now, and I still need my family and friends support. But I don't afraid to be single anymore, because I know that no matter what, I can take care of myself, because I love myself deeply. And I would never be able to learn how to love myself so much, if I didn't go through all this suffering. And this self-love helped me to love and understand other people more and be more kind.
So these are my tips. I hope you found them helpful. I am wishing you a lot of love!
Be Strong And Love Yourself!
From Dasha With Love!
Love Wins!
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